My Thoughts
by Dreamer1985
Summary: Mary finally speaks her thoughts on Father and his wife  Alice ..my OC


**Fan Fiction**

**Beauty and the Beast**

**My Thoughts**

**- Mary**

**NOTE: I mean no insult to Mary, but I am using her character to show things are not always as they seem. They are not as people insist they are. I of all people (though not through my relationship of marriage) know that very well.**

**And yes, I am using my OC (Alice) in this one and yes, she is married to Jacob.**

**And, no, the episodes I have managed to see, or read about, have not had Mary in them. I only became aware of her through a review of my other story, again…I mean no insult to her or the show.**

**I do NOT own the copy rights to Beauty and the Beast.**

I have lived in these tunnels forever - so it seems anyway. I have seen people come and go. I've seen some turn bad, but come back while others never do return. I've seen Jacob almost die, be killed and such. I've witnessed him loving, living and laughing. I now watch him by someone else's side -a side that could have been part of my private world. Now I must speak my private thoughts.

My, such a short word, but holds so much meaning. Some things are meant to be , some are not. Free will is guaranteed - the consequences are not. It is true I loved Father. Loved him more than I thought possible, but - still- that rope was never picked up to the point of connecting us in marriage. No, that connection was set in stone between himself and Alice when both of them picked up the ties that bind two people together; One I outwardly picked up, one people insisted I held in my hands, but that I never truly had in spite of the love I professed.

Why? Because - no matter how things looked to everyone- my heart never belonged a hundred percent to the tunnels. And that was a fact he knew. Sure, I stayed, sure I loved the people, but my eyes turned to what was beyond the tunnels more than I would have ever admitted, or dare show. I was a fine actres on that point and only Jacob and I were aware of that information.

It was that knowledge that kept us from uniting. I must reveal a secret I never revealed to anyone -not even to the man I professed to love. I knew of Alice's visits as a child. I'd seen her. Why didn't I tell anyone? I told myself she wasn't real for she moved so quietly, so swiftly - almost as if she weren't real. And if I denied her, then I could deny where my eyes were really turning. So, I just made myself believe she didn't exist.

The question of her being real was ignored - even though I every time I saw her she was a little bit taller, a little more filled out and a little more alive. I almost told father once - when no one was around - but couldn't bring myself to face reality. Denial- an easy thing to live in , but when you stop living in it and that thiing called reality steps in with it's sharp teeth and dagger you inwardly cringe. It came in the form of that necklace being brought to Jacob.

When Jacob went above - to see if Alice would come back for the item- every inch of me shouted when he came back things weren't going to be the same- that I'd lost any chance of being with him. I tried to ignore the shout telling myself things would go on as before, but they didn't. His eyes - which had silently offered me things- turned away; they were now Alice's.

Alice, I wanted to hate her. Wanted to tell her to get lost. I even threw up a barrier between us. If she reached out, I pulled back. If she said hi I told her to get lost. Oh, never on anything major and not when Father was round. No, but tiny things like hellos when people in the tunnels weren't around, or refusing to shake her hand and such. But in the end? How do you hate an angel?

Her angel eyes were soft, she never spoke a ill word to me - even helped me when I fell and got seriously hurt. Neither Jacob, Vincent, or Catherine were around, and she helped though I'd been as cold as ice towards her and no one else. It was Alice's hands that cleaned my cuts, it was hers that fetched me water when I could not stand, and it was she that carried me food while I took time to heal. So -no- in the end I could not hate the woman who Jacob had united with. Her eyes….

Her eyes - and actions- though she does not know it; remind me every day that if I ever get the chance to love again _not_ to allow myself to be divided in my mind, nor to live in the state called denial. I have to go - Alice is banging on the pipes warning people that trouble is coming our way; Jacob and Vincent are already racing her way. I must join them.


End file.
